So my new year just started off with a moment of sheer panic....But the story ends happily.

Our morning started off as most Sunday mornings do. Brian leaves the house to get to church around 8am (he's a pastor, so he gets there early and stays for the day, just like a regular work day), just as the boys and I are starting to wake up. The boys and I get up and dressed and they sat in their high chairs happily munching on toast as they watched Jeremy's latest favorite movie: Rudolph's Shiny New Year.

For some reason, I thought it would be fun to start the New Year by giving Jeremy the New Year's resolution of potty training! So we kicked things off with a bang and bi-passed the diaper and went straight to "big boy pants". I told him that if he needed to go, just tell Mama. Otherwise, I would set a timer to go off every hour and we would visit the potty then.

The timer went off, and I paused Rudolph to take Jeremy to the potty when he admitted that he already went in his pants. "I'm, sorry. My fault, Mom."  Well, at least the kid knows how to own up! I told him that I wasn't mad, and I changed his pants and left the two boys downstairs to finish watching the movie while I ran upstairs to update my Facebook status.... Yes... Five years ago today, Brian proposed to me!

Just as I updated my status, I realized that things had gotten very quiet downstairs, so I went to check things out, and I could not find the boys. Both the front and back door were still locked, so I knew they hadn't gone outside (plus, we have an alarm that beeps any time the doors open, and I never heard that). But they weren't in any of the rooms. I yelled, "Jeremy!"  Then a slightly more panicked "Jeremy!!!!" as I searched every room and bathroom.  Finally a full-on, sound the alarms "JEREMY!!!" And the house was silent. Not a sound, and it was horrible.

I realized that the one place I still hadn't looked was in the pantry, so I opened the doors, and both boys were sitting down hiding under a ledge. I immediately picked up Zachary and held him as I broke down in sobs of relief. Jeremy ran to us and held my leg, saying, "I'm sorry Mom. We play hide-seek." I hugged and kissed them both and told them that when Mama is calling, they NEED to answer. By that point, I had calmed down enough to wipe away my tears and take a deep breath, and Zachary looks up at me and cheerfully says, "Hi, Mom!" and holds out a half-eaten Oreo, he helped himself to while in the pantry. I giggled at the hilarity of it all, and decided that if ever there were a time to comfort us all with Oreos, the time was now, so the three of us sat on the kitchen floor, clicked our Oreos together as we said "Cheers" and toasted the new year.

Being a Mom makes me feel a lot of things ranging from pure joy to boredom, sheer panic to utter relief, exhaustion to energized...but one thing's for sure, it makes me feel so ALIVE!!!

A Texan Right of Passage

Dear Jeremy, Zachary, Sam and Gus,

It is April in Texas, which means one thing: BLUEBONNETS! Yes, our beautiful state flower is blooming in all of its wonderful glory along country roads and highways, which means Texan mothers everywhere are plopping their adorable children down right in the middle of these blue blooming beauties to snap away on their cameras. It's a Texan right of passage, and you boys have been initiated!

It was an absolute JOY to see Jeremy and Sam gleefully playing/wrestling/squealing with happiness as you tromped through the wild flowers! I love seeing your bond as cousins grow.

Gus and Zach are becoming pals, too! What fun for you cousins so close in age to get to grow up together!

And let's not forget about brotherly love! Oh, my goodness...scrumptious!

Sometimes, I'm stunned and amazed that God has entrusted me, with all of my imperfections, to be your mother and your Tia. It is a great responsibility, and also my great joy.

I love all four of you...Always and Forever!

Love,

Mama/Tia

Keepin' it Real

I got a sweet message from a friend today who is another adoptive mom, and she commented that in my Facebook profile pictures, I make motherhood look so easy-peasy.

I had to chuckle to myself because I'm such an idealist, and I realized that the pictures I usually share on Facebook and my blog are my favorite moments where everyone is behaving well and getting along. Plus, the beauty of digital photography is the "delete" feature, so I usually just delete the pics where someone is whining or grimacing.

So in the interest of keeping it real, I thought I'd share these photos that I asked my neighbor to take of us one day because the boys and I were all color-coordinated. Here are the results:

A Word of Encouragement

Yesterday, I went out to take a walk with the boys in our double stroller. Along the way, Jeremy spotted a dog and said, "Puppy!". As we got closer, it was, indeed, a Jack Russell Terrier puppy. He was on a leash and was acting crazy and wired, as Jack Russells are prone to do.

"My son loves dogs," I told the puppy's owners, as we slowed to a stop for Jeremy to admire the pooch.

My son. My son! It rolled ever so naturally off my tongue, as if I'd been saying it for years!

"Don't let him get too close," the dog owners, said, "He's a crazy dog!"

"I understand. My father had several Jack Russells!"

"They never get better!", said one of the dog's owners.

"No! They're always crazy!", I yelled back to them, as we continued on our way.

"Thanks for saying that..." she replied, sounding somewhat disappointed.

I thought that was an odd final reply to an otherwise pleasant exchange, but as I continued walking on, I realized that she didn't actually say, "They never get better!" Instead, she must have asked me, "Do they ever get better?"

Whoops! She asked me if it ever gets better, and I told her "No!" Poor woman!

It reminded me of our first week or two home from Ethiopia, when we were more tired than we'd ever been, jet lagged, and still getting to know our children. It was a stage of life that I refer to as "the post-adoption haze". We were walking around like semi-zombies doing the best we could. When people would tell us that we looked like we were doing great, Brian would humorously reply, "We're just faking it!"

Occasionally, when someone would ask how we were doing, and our reply was "tired", their response would often be, "Well, get ready... It will be like that for the next 18 years!" Hearing that would make me want to throw up a little.

While I still don't feel as well-rested as I'd like to be, I feel much better than I did during that first jet lagged week or two, when we were muddling through "the haze".

I'm writing this for all of the adoptive families that are about to travel to Ethiopia to bring your children home (and also for my own encouragement, because we still have some really hard days): When you are home with your kids and you're tired and it's hard because you're in the haze of post-adoption and that stinkin' jet lag just won't stop, remember that you read on some blog that it does get easier!!!

And one day you won't be quite so tired, and you'll be on a walk of your own, or at the grocery store, or at church, and you'll say "my son" or "my daughter" in passing, and you'll be amazed at how naturally it rolled off your tongue, and just how far you've come.

Ethiopia - Day 5 - Visit #2 With the Boys + Surprise Coffee Ceremony + Dinner at Fasika = Best Birthday Ever!!!

I woke up on August 5th (my 36th birthday!!!) with the joyous contentment of knowing that I was the mother of two wonderful boys. Our first thing on the agenda that day was to go visit them at the care center. We decided to go visit Jeremy in his environment, so we went to the toddler room first, armed with bubbles and balloons, hoping that this visit with him would be more fun for him than the last one. And it was!

After we played with him (and the other kids) for a while, the care givers brought out breakfast, and we got to feed him, which was fun! I love feeding my baby bird!

After breakfast, we took Jeremy with us to the baby house to visit Zachary. Poor Jeremy cried and cried again until he fell asleep in Brian's arms. This was our first photo as a family of four:

Here's our wee one:

I loved seeing his name written in Amharic:

After saying goodbye to the boys, we went back to our guest house, where some of the guest house staff had arranged a surprise coffee ceremony in my honor to celebrate my birthday! It was so sweet and special! Our driver, Solomon, bought me a beautiful birthday cake, and everyone sang "Happy Birthday to you" in both English and Amharic! It was awesome!

That's the coffee pot sitting on hot coals. Coffee is traditionally served with popcorn in Ethiopia.

These are some of the wonderful women who work at the guest house!

That night, all of the Gladney families were taken out for dinner to a fantastic restaurant called Fasika for a traditional dinner of Ethiopian food and amazing performances featuring music and dancing from various regions in Ethiopia.

These were two other Gladney moms who I got to know and love while we were there!

The dancers came around the room and danced with the patrons. I got to try out shoulder dancing!!!

It was a great day!!!

Ethiopia - Day 2 - Meeting our Boys

For me, this was definitely the most memorable day of our trip. It's not everyday that you get to meet your children!!! We arrived at the Gladney care center around 9:30 am, and we went right upstairs to the baby room. Immediately, I saw our baby being fed a bottle by his care giver. We stepped into the room, and she put him in my arms. It was a beautiful moment. Just like that, I was a mother.

Here are some other photos of our day:

After we had spent a few minutes with our baby Zachary Biruk, someone brought over our big boy Jeremy Robel from his room. He was crying and upset before he even came in the room. I think he wasn't too happy to be taken out of his room with his caregivers and little friends. And the poor little guy didn't know who we were either. He just cried and cried until he fell asleep in my arms exhausted. Once he fell asleep, I started to cry because I was so relieved that he was calmed down, and also because of the joy I was feeling that I was holding my older son in my arms!

Me and my boys:

After a while, we took Jeremy back to his room. We spent a little bit more time with Zachary, and then we put him in his crib and said goodbye. Then we went back over to Jeremy's room to check on him. He was happy as could be. They were playing dress-up with the kids. This is Jeremy with his "special mother" (his principal caregiver). Her name is Mami, and she loves him sooooo much!

Mary Poppins Moment

I had a total Mary Poppins moment today when I looked out the window of the room that will be our nursery to see this lovely lady sitting atop her nest!

Maybe we'll become mothers around the same time. Come on referral!

Thirty-Five

Today is my thirty-fifth birthday.

I think this is the year that I'll become a mother.