Monday, April 19, 2010

Dinner Conversation

Me: So, this whole waiting for a referral thing is starting to get kind of old.
Him: Ya think?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's where we are in our journey. Each new day feels like another opportunity for hope, but by about 4pm when the phone hasn't rung with news again, well it's just getting so monotonous. It's like a daily roller coaster ride, and I fear that hope is starting to feel like a phony friend--like Lucy was to Charlie Brown--"Sure, I'll hold the football in place for you!...Not!" But like Charlie Brown, I keep running toward that ball over and over again, because I know that one day, she won't pull the ball away, and I will make contact with that ball, and all those other times that were fake-outs won't matter because I held out hope and hope finally came through.

It's sort of like that.

I don't mean to sound like a pity party. I really am doing okay. I know in my head that one day very soon our phone will ring and there will be good news! And I definitely am hopeful about that!

It's more the journey of the heart. It's the daily wondering of "Will today be the day? Maybe today? Or maybe today?" Now matter how you try to guard it or try to tell it to be sensible, the heart hopes. It hoped today. And tomorrow it will hope again. And no matter how many days in a row that hope is dashed...well, the heart is a bit of a glutton for punishment.

Because the thing is? The heart knows that it's day is coming. And just as with the pain of childbirth, the joy of that day will overshadow the pain of waiting, if it doesn't erase it all together.

12 comments:

Brad and Carrie said...

You are almost there! I totally know how hard it is to wait. It seemed to drag on FOREVER. But, you are getting really close. Press on, friends.

Lindsey said...

Hang in there girl! I know it is hard, but it will be better. You will forget all of this when the phone finally rings!

The Busters said...

Thank goodness we have each other!! Your friendship has been a part of this journey that has blessed me beyond measure! I love what you said about how the heart hopes. I couldn't agree more and my heart hopes for you each and every day!! HUGS!!!

Ellen Enright said...

I think we're in the exact stage. That's really completely how I feel.
I keep hoping every day you get your referral! It's coming.

Tanya said...

I remember those roller coaster days of hoping, waiting by the phone, trying not to think about it, but daily thinking about "the call". It can be emotionally draining, but there is purpose in the wait. It can be such a productive, fruitful time of leaning into God. Remember that He is working out His perfect plan in His perfect time. And, yes, once you hold your child, all of this roller coaster of waiting will be forgotten.

Hang on! It IS going to happen!

Dana Cheryl said...

My friends who are adopting from Ethopia from the same agency got their call last Monday. They're going to get their little girl on May 7th.

I'm not sure how this works but doesn't that mean that ya'll should be bumped up the list?

emily said...

It will come and in an instant your whole world will change! Hang in there.

Mark and Heidi said...

The waiting and wondering is so hard and so exhausting but sooooo worth it! Hang in there!

Mark and Heidi said...

Hi Tracy -- we used to live in NYC too and now we are about 10 minutes south of Fairfield. Maybe we can get our Ethiopian munchkins together some day if you ever come this way for a visit!

Ginger said...

Yes and Yes! The day is coming for us, right?! The "daily wondering" is making me a crazy woman! I joined the FBI list late but it is so awesome to know that I have such awesome people surrounding me. Hope to travel with you and the Busters and may God bless us all :-)

Tracy said...

Ginger,

Thanks for your comment! Are you a a blogging family? If so, which blog is yours? It would be very fun to travel with you and the Busters!

Ginger said...

Hi again Tracy, yes we're jandvnix.blogspot (right before yours on the unofficial list)!