Family of Four

Well, we're in the Dubai Airport on our way home, and I just thought I'd log on to let you know that we're doing well. Our week in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia was absolutely wonderful, and we said goodbye to some of our new Ethiopian friends with tears in our eyes, a little bit surprised that we had grown so attached to them in such a short time. Once we're home, I'll write more about this amazing country and the time we spent there.

Saying goodbye to our sons was also hard. We cannot wait to get back to them! I hope the next three weeks goes by quickly, because I already miss my baby bears cubs!

We had three visits with these little guys, and they have completely stolen our hearts. We love them so much! Each of our three visits were similar in that Robel would cry and cry until he fell asleep in one of our arms, and Biruk would smile and coo and charm us with his sweetness. We really feel for Robel, as he is old enough to know that something strange is going on, but he doesn't totally understand. He grew a little more used to us each time we visited, and he definitely knows that we are there for HIM. Even though our last visit still involved tears, he seemed to calm down a little bit more quickly, and he was definitely checking us out and sizing us up. On our final visit, his caregivers pointed to Brian and said, this is your "Ababa, Daddy", and he repeated "Ababa, Daddy", but he's only 22 months, and I don't think he quite knows what that means. In any case, we are expecting that our first few days with him (upon our return) will be rough until he begins to trust us and adjust to us.

On our last two visits, his caregivers let me feed him his breakfast, and he was pretty willing to let me feed him, so yea for that! Our agency made it clear that these visits were purposefully short and the point of them wasn't for bonding. Still, this mommy's heart is attached! It is best for the boys, though, not to begin bonding and attaching to us until we return to take placement so that they don't feel abandoned by us during the next few weeks. We understand and agree with that. Still, I miss my babies!

We're looking forward to getting home to do our final preparations, so that we can welcome them to their new home. My current mantra is that the sooner we get home, the sooner we can go back to reunite with them to be a forever family.

God is good, and we are blessed by the miracle of adoption.

Preparing a Place for You!

Dear R & B,

I would be completely inauthentic if I said that I've haven't made a HUGE effort to keep myself busy with projects as a way to keep my anxiety at bay while we wait for a court date. See, ever since we first saw your pictures, I've been so READY to meet you and to bring you home, but alas, there is still a lot of waiting to do after a family is matched with their babies. And all this waiting is no fun!

So to help keep me distracted, we decided to wait to start preparing your nursery until after we received our match. Because you have both been living in rooms at the Gladney care center full of other children, we've decided to let you share a bedroom so that you won't feel so alone after we bring you to your new home.

We picked out a really cute safari animal theme for your room called Jigsaw Jungle, and I went looking for just the right shade for the walls. We even put three sample colors up on the wall to see which we liked best.

We went with the middle color green (called "Shagreen" at Sherwin-Williams) and went to town painting!

Soon, we were finished, and we really like how it turned out!

I can hardly wait to put your cribs in there and decorate the room. Preparing a place to welcome your children is so much fun! As I was thinking about it today, I was reminded of the words of Jesus when He said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

I've always heard that becoming parents really gives believers a more robust understanding of what our God feels for His children, and wow does that ring true when I read this!

It is wonderful to read these words, knowing how much I long to "take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." It's neat to think of Jesus preparing a place for me, as I'm preparing a place for you! You're on my mind so much, so it is sweet knowing that I'm on God's mind that way, too.

I love you boys so much, and I haven't even met you! How great is the love of God for us!

Until I can bring you here to be with me, I'll be preparing a place for you. Just for you.

Love,

Mama

Number One!

Can I just say how wild it is to see our names at the very top of the "unofficial list"? (For those of you who don't know, our adoption agency doesn't publish an official waiting list for adoptive families, but that hasn't stopped us all from trying to figure it out for ourselves! The result? The unofficial "F.B.I. List"!)

We know that being at the top of this list means that this blog is being stalked like mad by many of the other waiting families! How do we know this? From experience, friends--we've stalked all of the blogs ahead of us as those families ascended the list to the top!

If this is your first time on our blog...welcome! If not, we're glad you've been reading along with our journey. We hope to have some exciting news to share with you here soon.

Leave us a comment...we'd love to know who is out there reading our blog! May God bless all of you other adoptive families as you journey toward your children.

Love and hugs,

Brian and Tracy

Dinner Conversation

Me: So, this whole waiting for a referral thing is starting to get kind of old.

Him: Ya think?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's where we are in our journey. Each new day feels like another opportunity for hope, but by about 4pm when the phone hasn't rung with news again, well it's just getting so monotonous. It's like a daily roller coaster ride, and I fear that hope is starting to feel like a phony friend--like Lucy was to Charlie Brown--"Sure, I'll hold the football in place for you!...Not!" But like Charlie Brown, I keep running toward that ball over and over again, because I know that one day, she won't pull the ball away, and I will make contact with that ball, and all those other times that were fake-outs won't matter because I held out hope and hope finally came through.

It's sort of like that.

I don't mean to sound like a pity party. I really am doing okay. I know in my head that one day very soon our phone will ring and there will be good news! And I definitely am hopeful about that!

It's more the journey of the heart. It's the daily wondering of "Will today be the day? Maybe today? Or maybe today?" Now matter how you try to guard it or try to tell it to be sensible, the heart hopes. It hoped today. And tomorrow it will hope again. And no matter how many days in a row that hope is dashed...well, the heart is a bit of a glutton for punishment.

Because the thing is? The heart knows that it's day is coming. And just as with the pain of childbirth, the joy of that day will overshadow the pain of waiting, if it doesn't erase it all together.

Mary Poppins Moment

I had a total Mary Poppins moment today when I looked out the window of the room that will be our nursery to see this lovely lady sitting atop her nest!

Maybe we'll become mothers around the same time. Come on referral!

Seven Months!

Today marks seven months on the waiting list. The average wait time for families (adopting an infant from Ethiopia) to be matched with their baby is around nine months, but in the past week, five families have received referrals--that's a lot for one week!

Very quickly, we've seen our name get closer and closer to the top of the "unofficial" wait list! There are two families ahead of us waiting for referrals for an infant. Both families have requested "either gender" and so have we!

I've been e-mailing almost daily with the Busters, who are currently in the #1 spot on the unofficial wait list for both a boy and a girl! I can't wait to find out who their little one will be!

Needless to say, things have gotten much more exciting! We are still guarding our hearts, as things could slow down as quickly as they seem to have speeded up, but it is possible that we could be getting "the call" pretty soon!

Please pray for us and for the other waiting families--that God will protect our children as they wait for their forever families, and also that He would place the children in the families that He has in mind for them!

I'll try to update a little more frequently now that we are nearing the top of the list!

A Song for Waiting...

In Spanish, when a woman wants to say, "I'm expecting a baby", she says, "Estoy esperando un bebé". That same sentence could also be translated, "I am waiting for a baby". I love learning insights about life through another language. I love that the same verb--"esperar" means "waiting" as well as "expecting".

Indeed, the two are intertwined, as I'm learning through this adoption. As the wait feels longer and longer, my sense of expectation is growing.

Today, in my Bible Study Methods class, our teacher showed us a clip from The Dead Poets' Society. It was the inspirational scene when the students first hear their teacher whisper "Carpe Diem! Sieze the day!"

Moved by the scene, I came home and went to our iPod to listen to Barbara Streisand sing one of my favorite songs, called "Being Alive", which I always find inspirational, and I ended up listening to several of her songs. As I was listening to her sing "Something's Coming" from West Side Story, my thoughts drifted to our adoption, and tears began streaming down my cheeks. And before I knew it, I realized that I had found a song that perfectly captures my feelings right now as I wait in expectation for news of my child/ren. This song so perfectly captures my feelings, and the fact that it's a Broadway tune only makes it more fitting!

If you are in the waiting stage of adoption (or waiting on anything else for that matter), maybe this song will speak to you as well. Have a listen on the YouTube video below, and follow along with the lyrics I've included below it. (I'm a lyrics person!) May you have peace in the waiting...

Something's Coming

Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!

Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there's a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!

Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something's coming, I don't know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great!

With a click, with a shock,
Phone'll jingle, door'll knock,
Open the latch!
Something's coming, don't know when, but it's soon;
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!

Around the corner,
Or whistling down the river,
Come on, deliver
To me!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!

Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight . . .

Mama Bear

The other day, as I was flipping through an old issue of Reader's Digest, I came across this quote by Charles M. Schultz, author of the Peanuts comic strip:

"A good education is the next best thing to a pushy mother."

Ain't that the truth? Yes, I am thrilled to have received a wonderful education, but it definitely takes a back seat to having been blessed with my mom for a mother. While "pushy" isn't the word I would choose to describe her style, there was never any doubt growing up that she was on my side. My Dad used to proudly chuckle that if anybody dare mess with her children, they would have Mama Bear to contend with--and hell hath no fury like an angry Mama Bear.

Mom was all about wanting us kids to learn how fight our battles for ourselves. However, when the situation was overwhelming and we needed her to step in, Mama Bear was there with her claws out and her fangs ready to devour the bad guys. It really was so wonderful to live under the umbrella of my mother's protection. That fierce loyalty means the world to a child.

For our family motto, Brian and I chose three words:

Love. Loyalty. Lifetime.

It comes from the Bible's book of Proverbs:

"Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.

Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart."

In my mother, love and loyalty were never in short supply. I'm blessed that those qualities are part of her legacy to me, and I can't wait to pass them on to my own children.

This Mama Bear is ready and waiting for her cubs!

Halfway There?

According to the most recent reports from our adoption agency, the average wait time to receive a referral (being matched with a child) for an infant is 7 and a half months.

Today marks exactly 3 months and 3 weeks on the waiting list, which by my calculations puts us half way there!

Yea!

1 month

We've been on the waiting list one month!

One down... 7-ish(?) to go!

WAIT LIST!!!!

Today, we received an e-mail from our caseworker at Gladney, and the subject line was the same as the title of this post! Normally, hearing that you've been placed on a waiting list is mediocre news, at best. Not today, though! We've never been so happy to be put on a wait list! We are now officially waiting for a referral for our child(ren). The average wait time to receive a referral for an infant through our agency is currently 8 months.

This is what we have stated for our referral preference: 1 child of either gender or twins, age 0-6 months at the time of referral. We are also open to an older sibling (of a single child), either gender, up to the age of 5 years.

This means that we could be matched with one or two children of either gender. If it is just one child, it will be a baby 0-6 months old at the time of referral. If it is two children, it could be twins (age 0-6 months old) or a baby age 0-6 months old with an older sibling age 0-5 years.

So now we wait to see what God will do! It is a relief knowing He is in control and so very trustworthy! It truly is in His capable hands.

"God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6 I can't wait to see who He sets in ours!

Dossier Completed!

We just got an e-mail confirming that our Dossier is complete and is en route to the Dept. of State in Washington, D.C. and then on to Ethiopia! This means that we can now be placed on Gladney's wait list! I'm not exactly sure when this will happen, but I'm hopeful that it will happen tomorrow! I'll keep you posted.

For those of you who aren't familiar with adoption terminology, the Dossier is the body of paperwork required by the Ethiopian government which we have to provide to be able to adopt internationally from that country. We have made more trips to get documents notarized for our dossier than we can count, and it feels like such an accomplishment to have arrived at this point in our adoption process!

If you are an adoptive family, and feel overwhelmed by the paperwork, we used Kate at KBS Dossiers. It was money well spent, in our humble opinion! She is one organized person, and I found her to be very trustworthy in getting this mammoth paperwork job done.

In all of the "to dos" of adoption, I have felt so aware that although we may be running around trying to get stuff done as fast as possible, there is also so much that is out of our hands...waiting for certain documents to arrive in the mail, how long we will be on the waiting list, even the child(ren) who will be referred to us. In this dance of doing what I can to make this adoption happen and surrendering to what I can't take control of, I am so thankful to my God in Whom I trust. His is the unseen Hand that is truly in control of the whole thing. I love You, Lord.

Thank You for Praying!

Praise the Lord! I got an e-mail from the Houston Department of Homeland Security this morning telling me that our CIS Approval notice was sent to us YESTERDAY!

Thank you so much for praying!

Prayer Request

Note: This post will have lots of "adoption speak"--the bottom line is that we're waiting on our one final document to come from Immigration, and it's taking longer than expected to arrive.

Our homestudy was completed in June and submitted on June 30, 2009 to CIS (Immigration). We then received a summons in the mail to come in for fingerprinting. We were fingerprinted at the Department of Homeland Security on July 18, 2009. We still haven't received our CIS Approval (I-171H) in the mail!

I called our adoption agency today, and our case worker agreed that ample time has gone by for it to be processed. She recommended that I send an e-mail inquiring about our status to the government agency that oversees international adoptions in Houston. I sent that e-mail today, and I've been told that I'll likely hear back within two days.

Please pray with us that our paperwork hasn't been lost in the shuffle, and if it has, that it will be located and processed quickly!

We are trusting in God's timing and know that with each apparent "delay" we encounter, each one is part of His sovereign timing in pairing us with our child(ren). Thank you for praying for us and with us!

Love,

Brian and Tracy